Stressed Out

​I hope you are all safe and well and managing to keep on top of the stress of the emergence of Delta in the community and the ensuing lockdown. All of us are impacted by the uncertainty, the inability to see loved ones and the loss of income that this has caused.

There are other stressors which are individual to each type, and it is wise to be aware of these while confined with the same people over a number of weeks. Just as we subconsciously assume others will (should) react the way we do, we also have the expectation that they will be helped, when under stress, by the things that help us. This is unlikely to be the case. Different personality types exhibit stress differently, and need a completely different approach to help them regain their equilibrium. So telling your partner to go for a run when they are stressed because it works for you, may not be helpful (and may well get you into trouble). Because we are different personalities, we act differently. Under stress I don't act like you, I don't even act like me!

Most people when first exposed to psychological type are fascinated to read their personality description and see that it describes so accurately how they normally act. But under stress, we don't act normal. Under stress, you will not be the balanced and effective version of your personality type that you usually are. 

We are typically triggered into a stress reaction by something peculiar to our personality type, something which undermines our dominant function. Our first response is to scramble for that function and exaggerate it. After all, if this behaviour has worked my entire life, surely more of it will work better? 

If you are an extravert - this will happen in front of everyone (how embarrassing). If you are an introvert it will all happen internally - less embarrassing but equally ineffective. It may also mean that the extraverts around you have no idea of how you are feeling and so will not think to moderate their behaviour in a way that could help you.

You may be a deep and visionary person, self-disciplined, warm and gracious, known for your insightful input. But at times, especially when feeling stuck and unable to move forward, you shut down entirely, imagining the worst and just wanting to escape. Worse still, if things don't improve you may just reach for that bottle or go crazy with the online shopping.

You might be a great organiser, the one who takes on all of the responsibility, sees what needs to be done and arranges everyone to get on board, do their job and complete the goal. But when everyone is being emotional and no one is pulling their weight, you start to become forgetful and find yourself snapping critically. If you are unable to gain control, you might just find yourself hiding away, full of self-pity and feeling needy - this is just not you!

Have an open conversation with those in your bubble about how you are feeling, what behaviours stress you and what helps when you are losing it. Listen to them and try to adapt for them also. This is a time for grace.

The Scream - Edvard Munch