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It is affirming to discover your personality type and recognise your strengths and your perspective in 4 letters. How fabulous to read the description of your type and feel understood - or at least to feel you are not alone. Being a great example of your type however, is not the end game. And although we prefer the functions that give rise to those 4 letters, life does not allow us to sit too comfortably in our own little box. Jung considered that maturity was being a good example of our personality type but stepping outside of that type when appropriate. Your type is your safe place, where you are in control and energised, but life, family, work and maturity requires more than just one approach to life. Reality has a tendency to keep us slightly off balance, so that as we face challenges, we also are compelled to grow. Growth involves choosing to react differently to someone to enable them to hear you, and making the effort to address your weaker areas. Have a think about how you have changed since early adulthood. Have you become less extreme in one or more of your preferences? Are you 'close to the line' on one of the scales? This is an indication that you are maturing and are able to step outside of that box when the situation calls for it. It is likely that you now could sit quite happily in two of the personality type boxes, which one do you think you are able to function out of nearly as well as your true type? So your type remains the same throughout life, but you develop the capacity to use the functions that are not in your 4 letters of type, and you get better at those behaviours with practice. That is how maturity occurs. This is also the difference between a 50 year old who still thinks their way is the only way, and a 50 year old who is balanced and has 'mellowed'.  Escaping Criticism - Pere Borrell del Caso
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I have a great mirror in my bathroom. I’m not sure if it’s the lighting, the positioning, or a combination of the two—but it serves me back a flattering reflection that makes my day. Seeing the best version of myself makes me feel like I can do anything. The concept of ‘mirroring’ is used in psychology to describe how people imitate the gestures, speech patterns or attitudes of others in conversation—to increase connection and improve how they are received. It is usually an unconscious response, but can also be learned as a technique. Here’s my version: If you’re looking to enhance your connection with someone, pay attention to their tone and manner, and reflect this back to them in the most flattering way possible. We may respond unhelpfully when we feel someone is a little too much—a little too emotional or somewhat too direct, for example. On these occasions, it’s likely that we’ve tried to provide a balance rather than a reflection. This never works. If someone is being emotional, we may become more cooler and more direct, in an attempt to help them 'pull themselves together' for instance. If this sounds familiar, try instead to display a bit of feeling yourself, in the form of grace and empathy. That is what they need to restore their equilibrium. If someone is being abrupt and critical, instead of reacting emotionally or objecting that their tone is distressing, be more analytical yourself. Present the same function in its mature form: be clear, calm and focus on solving the problem. That is what they need to restore their equilibrium. Whatever the trait that someone is displaying, play that back to them in its most flattering and mature version. This will calm the situation, enable that person to be the best version of themselves, and might save you an argument. Be like my mirror.  Narcissus by Caravaggio
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AuthorJacqueline has spent a good few years encouraging people to be the strongest and most gracious version of themselves. Archives
October 2021
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